Or poop paper as my buddy calls it. Nice. I can only guess boys call toilet paper, “poop paper,” because they only need it for poop. For us ladies it’s multipurpose paper.
If you’re in the middle of a crowded restaurant after visiting the ladies’ room and glance back because you feel someone following you, only to learn you’re being stalked by a yard of toilet paper stuck to your shoe…do not, I repeat, DO NOT panic.
Because if you panic, you might do something stupid and/or rash, such as, reach down, pull the TP off your shoe, and ball it up in your hand because you don’t want anyone to see it. When you do this you’ll realize before you’ve even finished balling it up that this was the wrong thing to do. For starters it’s unsanitary. Also, people did see it. It takes longer than you think to ball up a yard of TP, which means this is no covert operation. And now you have a crowd of people, who were previously only giggling at you tracking TP through the joint, asking themselves, “Did she just wad up that nasty ass TP that was on her shoe in her hand?!”
I’m guessing, because that’s what you’re thinking too, as you return to the table and throw the evidence on the floor.
People, what I’m saying is…HAVE A PLAN. Let the plan simply involve using your other shoe to remove the TP and guiltlessly/quickly walking away from the yard o’ TP. It’s someone else’s problem now, and that’s okay.
And practice. Everyone knows what to do with a square of TP on their shoe. It’s the extremes that throw us off our game. Nobody expects a yard of TP. Practice with various lengths. Change up the point of connection. Vary location and crowd size. Keep your game fresh, to avoid Hep. C and/or social humiliation.
This ends my public service announcement. You’re welcome.