Yesterday, high on life and endorphins after a jog, I declared that I was so happy with Austin weather right now, I could lick it. And I meant it. It was a metaphor, but I really wanted to take a lick. Today I drove to work and wanted to lick the Austin spring break traffic. It was heavenly, with all the students home. Nom, nom, nom. (Slurp, slurp, slurp?)
Apparently, I’m cracking people up with the licking. And concerning some. One friend noted that the cars in the traffic could be real dirty. I’m borderline iron deficient any way, I replied. Bring it.
So what’s with the lickin’, Ang? Well, I ask you…why aren’t you licking? Licking is the new black…and I’m selling it, people. Listen up.
Licking isn’t boooring.
Lots of people could “just kiss,” or “just hug,” something. These are fairly common phrases. Fairly boring phrases. But why be boring? Let me give you a scenario. Let’s say, you and I are out on a shopping excursion. A shoe shopping excursion. As we peruse, I remark that I could just hug that shoe. Are you dropping the shoe you’re eyeing to come try it on? Probably not. If I say I could kiss it, you might come pick it up and give it a closer inspection. If I say I am licking this shoe, as I am apt to do, you are dropping what you are doing, and we are having a full on fashion show…you in your size, me in mine…while we think of all the debauchery that will come from this shoe. (Simply because, from experience, shoes I want to lick are of the platform, studded, stiletto variety.) That shoe is a party. Huggin’ and kissin’ it doesn’t do it justice. And can’t you just see me licking the stiletto heel of this shoe? I can, I visualize it all the time. No, I don’t have a shoe fetish. Well, maybe I do, but not the kind I observed while working at an unnamed discount shoe store. My shoes are strictly for my feet and there’s no sniffing involved.
And don’t even lie! You know you read the scenario above and thought, “I want to go shoe shopping with Angie!” Shit. I’m heading to DSW as soon I finish this blog. I got myself all excited.
Licking shows commitment.
In practice, I hug and kiss people all day long, I’m just that affectionate. However, I’m much more discriminating about who/what I lick. I mean, think of how many times a day something touches your lips. Countless, right? But I bet you’re much more careful about what touches your tongue. Mhm. I know I am. (Which is why I don’t actually lick the shoe in the scene above, even though I really want to. Someone else may have felt the same way about that shoe and showed less restraint. I’m not trying to contract Hep. C.) Licking, licking shows a real commitment, people. You commit via lick, people are taking you seriously.
“She’s gonna’ lick it? Oh, hell, Angie means business.” Yes, yes I do.
Licking is joie de vivre.
We’ve covered this. There are some things I do half-assed, but living and having fun isn’t one of them. Not if I want to like myself in the morning. Being this passionate about things, this joie de vivre, it’s my drug. I’m not even ashamed. Don’t get me wrong. I want to hug and kiss, but I don’t want to hug and kiss all… day… long. At least once a day, please, give me something worth licking. Something I’m so passionate about, I’d put my tongue on the line for it. Strolling through a meadow? HUGS AND KISSES. Strolling through the meadow I just landed in after parachuting out of a plane? LICK.
Are you feeling it? Are you ready to get out there and lick the hell out of life? I sure hope so.
Here are a list of things, that right now, I’d like to lick*:
*This is just right now. Tomorrow’s lick list could be, and hopefully will be, completely different.
Now, tell me, what would you like to lick? Keep it clean! It’s metaphor!