I’ve visited Fiesta Texas several times in the last month, and each time, the friend who accompanies me makes a tongue-in-cheek comment about bees. So, I thought a republish was in order…Enjoy.
So, we took the kids to Six Flags Fiesta Texas. It was my daughter’s reward for becoming such a proficient reader this year. It was the perfect day to go to the park, but there were bees swarming around every trash can. I can’t tell you how many times I had to give my daughter the standard mommy line, “if you don’t hurt them they won’t hurt you.”
Yeah, well it’s easy enough to tell someone that, but I’m thinkin’ back in the caveman days they must have had some bad ass bees because the human brain just cannot behave rationally around one of these little suckers. A full on panic attack is hard coded.
We purchased three $12.99 special souvenir cups with the free refills (I think this should be illegal). Unfortunately my daughter spilled her Sprite all over them at one point. I thought nothing of it at the time, but it became incredibly important later in the day. I was holding all three souvenir cups while my husband and kids went to the bathroom. I continued to carry two of them as we started back on our journey through the park. We cut through an area flanked by trash cans on both sides. I think bees must see sugar in bright neon colors because I was very quickly surrounded by them. I’m oblivious when my daughter says to me, AGAIN, “mommy! Bee!” And so I whip old-faithful out of my pocket, “sigh, If you don’t bother….”
At this point I’m unable to continue because my brain registers that I’ve got three bee visitors. Initially I attempt a casual ‘walk away’ approach, but they follow me to the middle of a busy thoroughfare. Dodging others, and having completely forgotten about my family, I begin to run around frantically, waiving my arms and screaming “Bee!” and “Help!” Screaming and running ARE NOT WORKING. Apparently, I know Jiu Jitsu. Using the souvenir cup in each hand I begin my Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon assault on the bees. Still screaming, still running, now simultaneously flailing the souvenir cup in each hand in an attempt to knock bees out of the air. I’m moving in circles. It felt like slow-motion but it wasn’t. I quickly realize the cups are full, and I’m working like a sprinkler system to thoroughly wet everyone within 20 feet of me. I turn to my husband for support. He’s down the street, looking at me like “I feel so sorry for her, but it’s funny, and I don’t want anyone to know we’re with her.” Realizing I must look freaking insane, i run to the curb and set down the cups. Phew. Ordeal over right? WRONG. Two of the bees (I’m not sure if I took out the third with my kung fu skills) buzz up to me. I swear to you, if bees could talk, the bigger of the two would have said, “see, initially all we wanted was the Sprite, but then you had to go all ‘Kung Fu Panda’ on us and now we’re going to kick your….”
You get the picture. I’m running, screaming, yelling, jiu jitsuing, and laughing, to the point that I seriously wonder if I’m going to wet my pants. This thought actually saved me because I ran back to the bathroom, effectively ending the scene.
This incident is seriously in my top five funniest experiences of my entire life. I only wish I could have seen the whole thing through my husband’s eyes. I did do a search on youtube yesterday to determine if someone caught this tape, and thank GOD, nothing…yet.