Hello again world. So, big surprise, blogging is NOT weight loss magic. Several of you are going “no sh!t Sherlock, but F-you anyway because we quite enjoyed your thinking so.” I know, I know. I’m back, so calm your arse down. Back to my enlightenment. I know that blogging is not weight loss magic because I haven’t blogged in forever, but during “forever” I’ve lost 30 lbs. Allow me to timeline:
I was 225, and then I dieted, and exercised, and blogged, and I lost 15 lbs. Then I ate, and ate, and didn’t exercise, and gained 25 lbs. So that put me at 235 lbs. Then I flew off to Istanbul, Turkey with friends to have one of the best times of my life. As my girl B would say, “it was amazaballs.” While I was there, something amazing happened. I. GOT. FOOD. POISONING! Yes, never eat a la carte in a foreign country, no matter how good the lentil soup looks.
Notice: Avert your eyes if you’re one of those sensitive folks who can’t watch CSI while eating dinner.
Essentially, I became a human juicer the day before we left for home. That made for an interesting flight. I did a lot of praying and purposefully dehydrated myself to a point just shy of hospitalization. It worked. A week after returning home, I was still ill, and 12 lbs lighter. I have never been so happy to maybe have a tape worm in my entire life. The third day after returning home, I thought, “the only thing better than losing weight from severe food poisoning is EXERCISING to lose more weight!” And so I did. Once. And then I almost died, so I didn’t do it again.
I got a healthier idea. I’ve lost all this weight from food poisoning…potentially a tape worm, who knows? So, why don’t I give Weight Watchers a try again? Third times the charm? Yes, indeed. Also, the WW iPhone app is the charm. It clicked. I’m now 203. And that’s where the scale has sat for the last 4 weeks. So, I think we can rule out tape worm now. If I had a tape worm, it would be enormous already, and I’d still be losing weight. So why, Angie, why can’t you lose weight? Well, I’m going to just put it all out there for you*.
*Fat people are fat for a variety of reasons. I’m hoping that by putting this out there, I’m helping someone else. Please, allow my HOURS of introspection and expensive therapy be a short cut/discount for you.
I always hit a wall at 205. I’ve lost weight a few times before. The wall is 205. I’m very vocal about this. Like clockwork, I hit the wall. The only difference is this time I’ve clung to that wall for dear life, instead of stuffing my face and gaining the weight back. Well that’s not all true. I am stuffing my face a little, which is why I’m not LOSING weight. So what’s the deal 205? Is it kryptonite? No, my subconscious is kryptonite.
This is deep, so let’s talk about ONE of the reasons:
REASON #1 : 205 is when my body starts to show weight loss, and people notice.
~People remark, SOME mean well.
~There are certain people in a fat person’s life who are overly invested in the weight of the fat person.
~It seems to be the only thing they care about. (i.e. they barely noticed when you overcame your mother’s alcoholism, when you overcame your mother’s death, when you graduated from college, when you graduated with your Masters, when you married someone amazing, when you birthed two amazing children…but lose 30 lbs? Now THAT is an accomplishment.)
~By coincidence, people overly invested in the weight of another tend to provide too many remarks and remarks of the wrong kind. Too many = can we PLEASE talk about something else, and also, stop touching my waist? I’m not Samantha from Sixteen Candles who just got her boobies. Wrong kind = “You’re eating fruit. Good! Gotta’ make sure you eat the right foods so we can keep the weight loss going.” I’m sorry. Did I just stab you in the forehead with my fruit spoon?! Oh, phew, nope, only in my mind.
~It’s all about intentions and frugality: When a kind person says, “You’re looking great. You’ve lost so much weight!” It means: you’re looking great and they can tell you’ve lost a lot of weight. When the wrong person overdoes and over says, “You’re looking great. You’ve lost so much weight!” It means: you looked horrible before, but now I’m proud to know you. It’s somewhat similar to, “your hair looks good TODAY.”
My response to the overly invested would be my middle finger if I wasn’t using it to stuff my face. So, consider my regain of the weight a metaphorical middle finger.
But guess who really gets the middle finger? Me. So there, reason #1, you’re exposed. I take your power away. We’ll talk about reason #2 another day. Right now I have a dripping wet, neked 6 year old asking me to get his jammies for tonight and clothes for tomorrow picked out. I have to drop everything to ensure this is done properly. Otherwise he ends up going to school in plaid shorts and a striped 3T shirt. (When I pick him up from school and he’s wearing an outfit like that, I want to comfort eat. …We may have identified reason #3.)